As Camp as Christmas: The Ultimate Christmas Music
- The Geeky Gays
- Nov 6, 2019
- 5 min read
It's that time of year again.
Halloween is a long forgotten memory despite only being less than a week ago. Bonfire night is over and that means it's officially Christmas! In only 7 weeks, the big day arrives and don't we know it's coming full force.
There are two types of people in the world. Those who adore Christmas and have their trees up and houses fully decorated the day after Halloween and there are those of us who despise the holiday. On one hand we have the Whos of Whoville and on the other, we have...well...the Grinch. Me? I'm a Grinch but Markus is a Who.
My main problem with Christmas is how the same music is played year after year after year and it's constantly on repeat. There's no escape. It's relentless and drives even the most sane person to the brink of insanity. There is so much Christmas music out there but only the usuals get revived: I Wish it Could be Christmas Every Day. Erm, no thanks, hun. It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. It's really not. All I Want For Christmas Is You. Great Song. Mariah is an icon. But can we have a break please? Fairytale of New York. The song that puts every innocent homosexual right in the firing line of pissed-up heteros who think it's funny to scream THAT word at them because they can get away with it.
Told you I'm a Grinch.
However, there are some Christmas songs/albums that really break the cycle and some that even *shock horror* SPARK JOY *shock horror*
Here's my guide to some of the best under-rated and under-played Christmas music for anyone who fancies a bit of a change to get through this holiday season.
KYLIE MINOGUE:
We have to start with the angel of Christmas herself, Queen Kylie. Kylie's Christmas album, A Kylie Christmas, is a mix of iconic classics mixed with a few brand new Kylie songs written especially for the season. To take it a step further, her Christmas performance at the Royal Albert Hall is usually repeated every year and is well worth a watch. It can make even the most hardened Grinch, like myself, feel Christmassy and full of joy. I even tweeted about it two years ago and Queen Kylie retweeted me, which was all the validation this gayboy needed. So whether you hate Christmas or love it, Kylie can get you in the spirit. It's tried and tested and highly recommended. Try an absolute favourite, the disco-inspired 100 Degrees, featuring Danni Minogue.
SIA:
There's no doubt that everyone loves Sia. She's one of the strongest voices in music over the last few years. She always has a message and a story to tell and her Christmas album, Every Day is Christmas is no different. Sure there are a couple of traditional bops but most are a little alternative. In these songs she brings her own brand of cynicism and there's a sadness lurking beneath the surface of the mostly cheery tunes. She reminds us that "Puppies are forever, not just for Christmas," and uses the song, Sunshine to address being there for someone suffering with depression. Despite being not being an entirely squeaky clean Christmas album, it's an absolute under-rated gem that tackles subjects most would avoid at Christmas.
GWEN STEFANI:
Gwen Stefani has had a career spanning decades. Her image changes and her style changes but her talent knows no bounds. She even tackled the Christmas genre with great success. Her Christmas album, You Make it Feel Like Christmas, is like Kylie's in that it combines her own versions of the classics with her own brand new music which keeps it fresh. Most of Gwen's original material feels like the classics and she absolutely nails the recipe for making great Christmas music.
The title song, You Make it Feel Like Christmas, is a romantic, country-inspired hit featuring her real life boyfriend, Blake Shelton who she met on The Voice.
Try not to sing/dance along. It's impossible. Try to not feel even a slight spark of Christmas joy...even more impossible.
DESTINY'S CHILD:
So many people forget that way back in the day, Queen B, Kelly and Michelle created a Christmas album, 8 Days of Christmas. It was based mostly around Christmas classics but put their unique R&B spin on it.
DC Christmas Medley is always one of the most memorable and is such a fun mix of some well known songs.
CHRISTINA AGUILERA:
Again, another modern diva/icon whose Christmas album went mostly under the radar. Christina mixed classics and original recordings much like the others who have also created Christmas albums. Each song is given a new life because of Christina's vocals. It's very Christina. It's very 00's. And her original songs could be mistaken for generic pop if it weren't for the Christmas inspired lyrics. However, they're all perfection and so powerful.
LEONA LEWIS:
Leona Lewis is one of the most successful X-Factor winners of all time. Hailing from back in the early days of the competition, Leona used her new found fame to propel herself into a glorious career. A few years ago, she released a Christmas album, Christmas, With Love. Again it was a mix of classics and original material. It was inevitably a hit because it was Leona. Shockingly, I had somehow missed this one and genuinely thought she had only released the iconic One More Sleep. Upon checking out the whole album, I'm ashamed that I missed it. Thank God it's in my life now.
JESSIE J:
I almost left Jessie off this list because her album is mostly covers which are nice but feel a bit meh in comparison to some of the other artists here...HOWEVER, her original song, This Christmas Day, just has something about it, that I felt it deserves a spot here for that alone. It's a beautiful song about loss and love and those who can't be with us at Christmas.
KELLY CLARKSON:
Another winner, this time from American Idol. Kelly Clarkson's contribution to the Christmas genre, Wrapped in Red, was another that had passed me by until I started making this list and now I'm obsessed. Of course I knew Underneath the Tree, because who doesn't? It's one of those overplayed songs, but it's cool because it's a modern classic. As for Winter Dreams, that's a Christmas song I've heard the last few years and never realised it was Kelly! It's such a cute little song. I stan.
ARIANA GRANDE:
Ariana's Christmas album, Christmas and Chill, could literally be on repeat all day, every day and it would never be enough. It is Ariana, after all and we can never get enough of her. That's literally all there is to say on that subject.
GERALDINE MCQUEEN
Geraldine McQueen's Christmas song couldn't not be on this list. A character created by Peter Kay, Geraldine followed her dreams of becoming a star on a TV talent show. The less said about the character and her backstory/family life, the better but it's undeniable that this song is a classic and will have you singing it over and over and over again.
HOTPANTZ
And this is it. I've saved the best for last.
Looking back, I feel like Hotpantz were as close as we could get to the Cock Destroyers of the mid-00s. The song and the video is the absolute epitome of camp. A woman dressed as a Christmas present with tits, half-naked oiled up guys in Santa hats, cheesy zooms and close ups of gyrating bodies, and lyrics so bad they're good, this song is a forgotten gem. Whatever happened to Hotpantz after this? Nobody knows. Probably hid away in sheer embarrassment and never spoke about this ever again. But I want to talk about it! I love it!
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